The Memory Machine
by bobbingformangos
Summary: Post S3 Finale. She wore a white dress with a sea green sash around her waist that emphasized her eyes. There were pictures in a box tucked away in the spar room that she tried to avoid at all ere were books, photos, videos, and clothes - anything that reminded them of her – tucked away in a room without a lock that she avoided at all costs.


**The Memory Machine.**

* * *

And the memory machine  
Making whisky from the things  
We no longer need  
And you kissed me  
But I was too drunk to really know  
That you loved me  
Enough to watch me go  
I miss you

* * *

She wore a white dress with a sea green sash around her waist that emphasized her eyes. There were pictures in a box tucked away in the spar room that she tried to avoid at all cost.

There were books, photos, videos, and clothes - anything that reminded them of her – tucked away in a room without a lock that she avoided at all costs.

Sometimes he would open the door to the room and disappear inside for hours - the smell of her drifting into the hallway freezing Emma in her spot.

Often, she would stop breathing.

Hyperventilate.

Fall to the floor with her hand to her chest in hope that her breathing would continue – but she knew that she was always a breath away from breaking into pieces that would scatter all around the wooden floors of their Manhattan apartment.

* * *

He would sit in front of the large mirror for hours.

Nowadays, only a few times a week.

When it happened, though, he would refuse to leave.

It became a problem because Emma couldn't posses herself to step inside the room.

But there he would be, in the oversize mirror that Emma was sure they found in some antique store on the coast when she was pregnant with Henry.

It was large, ornate, and had adorned a room within their homes since they bought it.

When Henry was little, he was convinced that it was the Mirror of Erised (he obviously had a Harry Potter obsession) because anytime he looked in it with his two mothers standing behind him – he always saw exactly what he wanted.

Emma wondered what he sees in the mirror now?

What she would see in the mirror.

If only magic was world – she would join her son in front of the mirror just to see her smile at her one more time.

* * *

They met when Emma was four.

It's foggy, but Emma believes that it's that way because she was so young.

They met in a ballet class – Regina ten years old and so excited to be assisting her mother in teaching one of her classes.

The dance school was well known in all of the state of New York – infamous – and Emma had enjoyed seeing the ballet with her new parents that they decided to put the little girl in a pink tutu and take her to a class.

Regina made fun of her three minutes into her first class and Emma, the spitfire, came right back with a response about how blue (the color of Regina's leotard) was a stupid color.

Regina was upset and Emma's new mother heard what happened and wasn't too happy with the little girl.

Emma was sue she would have been given back.

But she had a good family, a happy family in Richard and Julia.

Instead, Julia got down and talked to Emma about what she said to the girl and that it wasn't nice. Emma faintly remembers that over dinner that night Richard made a joke that Emma should be nice to pretty girls like Regina.

Oh, how that would help her out years later.

When Emma came back a few days later for her next class, Regina wore a purple leotard.

* * *

Emma was sixteen when they first kissed.

Regina had given up dancing (much to her mother's disapproval) a few years before but she always made a habit to come watch Emma practice when she was in from breaks in school.

There had always been a pull between the two – making them fast friends despite the age difference – but there was never any kind of thought that Emma could have her heart.

Accept it was already predetermined and Emma had her heart and it was late and she had kissed Emma so sweetly on the lips before pulling away and running out of the room.

* * *

Regina stayed away from Emma for two years.

Emma got pregnant on accident.

* * *

Regina moved back to Manhattan when Emma was five months pregnant with Henry.

She was to attend graduate school at Harvard Law but opted for Fordham instead to be closer to Emma.

She didn't admit that at first, instead yelling at the blonde for her stupidity, but it was about her.

It would always be about her.

They developed this closeness that confused both of them but couldn't pull apart no matter how hard they tried.

It went unspoken most of the time.

Until Emma was seven months pregnant, eighteen, and crying in her childhood bedroom that she couldn't do this, she couldn't take care of a kid.

She was hysterical and Regina blamed it on her hormones and Regina thought the most sensible thing to do was kiss her.

So she did.

* * *

She never stopped kissing her.

* * *

He was named after Regina's late father, who died in a car crash.

Emma thought.

No, he did, because Emma held Regina.

She thought.

* * *

Henry's first word was "Ora" – referencing Cora who warmed up with Henry.

Emma could remember as a child, her former dance teacher was ridged and distance, but at some point she was warm and loving and it warmed her heart knowing that Henry had something to do with that.

Julia, of course, had to up one on Cora to get him to say 'grandma' but Henry wasn't about that, oh no, he went on to babble 'Ma'.

Later came 'Moooommmmmmah'.

He said that to Regina.

* * *

Emma and Regina moved in together in a small, Brooklyn apartment when Henry was two.

* * *

They got married when he was three.

Emma wore a white dress with a sea green sash around her waist that emphasized her eyes.

Regina wore a fitting white satin dress with purple accents.

They had their wedding in Central Park.

Cora gave away Regina and Richard gave away Emma.

Henry stood at the altar waiting for both women in a black tux and a green and purple tie that made Regina chuckle.

Emma couldn't stop thinking that entire night about how she had a family and she didn't really understand why that was bittersweet.

They danced the entire night before taking off to Europe on their honey moon.

They were away from Henry for two weeks but was happy that he had loving grandparents to stay with.

Henry still talks about his week staying with Cora and how much laughter rang through the halls of the upscale apartment.

* * *

Cora died when Henry was five from a heart attack.

There was nothing to do to save her.

* * *

Emma graduated from NYU when Henry was six.

She doesn't really remember the ceremony but she does remember taking her degree in Social Work and working with at risk youth.

Henry went to a local private school and Regina had her own small, but efficient firm.

They were successful and moved that year back to Manhattan.

* * *

Emma's mom, Julia, died when Henry eight due to a drunk driver.

There was everything that could have been done to prevent it.

Emma remembered lying in bed crying over her mother but something wasn't completely right.

* * *

And then, it happened.

It was the night of her 28th birthday and Henry was ten and Regina was late getting home.

Emma doesn't know how it happened – probably a severe case of PTSD – but her wife died that night.

Emma was sure she would die from a broken heart.

* * *

Her entire life held meaning.

She had a family who loved her and kept her and gave her a happy childhood.

She had a son who looked at her as if she was the sun.

She had a wife who loved her with her entire heart.

Her life held meaning.

Held so much love.

But she ached so much.

She was empty.

Everything was lackluster.

Something was missing.

* * *

Henry stayed in the room the entire day of her 30th birthday.

He kept the door open this time and it hurt Emma so bad.

She wondered if he did that to hurt her – to let her know that he hated how all Regina's stuff was packed away – hidden.

Emma was sobbing on the couch, wrapped in a quilt that used to wrap about both her and her wife when they laid on the couch, one on top of the other as they talked about their days and kissed random places on each other's faces.

It didn't feel right.

None of it felt right.

But maybe this was what death really meant.

Maybe the fairy tales her parents read to her every night actually were true and there was true love. Certainly, if your true loved died, then so did a part of you?

That's what Emma felt like – she died too.

* * *

Sometimes he saw her face in the glass.

He was hoping tonight would be no different.

* * *

The black material of her dress flowed around her as she sat in front of the mirror in her chamber.

There were stories stacked up in the room behind him that she didn't know but she wished that she did.

She knew that she gave them her happy ending and memories and family but the curse did everything else – made up the stories.

She reached a hand out to stroke the mirror.

He sat there often, staring into the mirror, she could even convince herself that he was searching for her.

But as much as that thought brought her a small amount of hope and happiness, it hurt too.

He didn't look happy.

She searched his face.

He was older.

But there was a crease in his forehead that was there a year ago.

And where was Emma?

Regina frowned, the thought of only seeing the blonde every so often as if she had avoided mirrors all together.

There was a pull in her stomach. She had missed the blonde so much. Only now just accepting the love she had for the other woman that she wished she had realized sooner.

* * *

Henry heard her crying and he frowned deeper.

He didn't want to leave the mirror.

He couldn't.

What if he saw her?

So instead, he yelled for the only mother he had now.

* * *

Regina held a hand to her mouth to stop the sob that nearly escaped when Emma came to the doorway of the room her son was occupying.

She looked tired, exhausted, and her eyes were read with tears.

Henry looked back at her and said something that Regina couldn't make out.

Emma shook her head.

Henry yelled, demanding, pointing to the spot next to him.

Emma said no.

Henry cried.

Emma sucked in air, cringed, before walking into the room to take her son in her arms.

Regina watched.

Sobs escaping her own mouth at seeing her son and the woman she loved breaking down in front of her.

She touched the mirror, willing it to open up for her, but finding that it wouldn't.

And so, Regina watched, useless, as Emma and Henry's happy ending continue to slip out of their grasp.

And there was nothing she could do about it.


End file.
